http://www.guilfoile.net/uteethics1.php
Our mother, a recent widow in her mid-70's, wants to start driving again. She hasn't driven in years, had many accidents when she did, is hard of hearing and arthritic and has a history of alcoholism. While we (her children) object, her therapist has told her that she should make her own decision and has encouraged us to be supportive. What's the right thing to do? -- Name Withheld
Good Lord, does the Department of Motor Vehicles flunk anybody these days? I only got seven-out-of-ten on the written exam, and I hold a prestigious chair at the third-best university in America. Your mother, however, is a boozing menace who weaves aimlessly about town in an ozone-depleting bumper car, her air bag gleefully coiled in anticipation. How many innocent lives could be saved by keeping this drunk, deaf, and crippled old crone off the public roads? Dozens, perhaps? Now, having agreed this is the case, we must also agree that many more lives could be saved if you smothered her with a pillow. You could then collect the insurance money and send it, with your inheritance, to Oxfam (26 West Street, Boston MA 02111-1206). African kids don't need brand-name prescriptions and orthopedic shoes. In fact, a 32-ounce box of Ritz Bitz will sustain a Sudanese male from the age of two until the age of six. Euthanizing your mother is not only justified, it's an ethical obligation, like shooting a horse who has broken his leg, or drowning a baby because she's retarded.
